This Diamond Ring

 

This stone is genuine
Like love should be
And if your baby's truer than
My baby was to me

They were larger than life. I looked up to them. Did my father ever know what Dean was doing when we were alone together? Or did the world get shut out when he closed the door behind us? It was almost too embarrassing to even think about, much less bring it up in a conversation.

The truth is, everyone was too distracted to notice when Dean would take me aside at house parties or house gatherings. He probably liked me even better than Ronnie or my dad, I thought. I was probably more special to him than them. My dad was always too distracted. I liked feeling special.

This diamond ring can mean something beautiful
And this diamond ring can be dreams that are coming true
And then your heart won't have to break like mine did
If there's love behind it

I hadn't talked to Dean for a long time after the breakup. A whole decade had passed. After I came back from Vietnam, I demanded that I wanted to see him. He filmed his show at NBC just like my dad's show. You really could just walk up to his dressing room and see him. You really could just step onto the set in the middle of him rehearsing. You really could just show up unannounced back into his life.

And that's what I did. He had his glasses on and he was reading music sheets, just like the pictures I've seen of him in the studio. He could see people better than the notes on the paper. When his eyes flickered up at me over the sheets, I saw recognition in his soft expression.

"Gar?"

It felt so good to hear such a familiar voice from my childhood, but it also felt terrifying. That was the voice of my abuser. He was right in front of me, and that's what I wanted. At least, I thought that's what I wanted. He hadn't spoken to me after the breakup, and it felt like he'd broken up with me, too. Not a single word. No comfort to young Gar. Not even a goodbye.

"Gar, what are you doing here? Does your father know you're here?"

I don't know why I suddenly became so proud I started smiling. "No, I came here on my own," I said, beaming at him.

He was sitting in his chair that he sits in during his first number on the show. He put the music sheets on his lap and folded his hands over them. "I already know these lyrics by heart, but I just pretend like I'm doing something while everyone else is rehearsing," he told me, smiling back. "It's so good to see you, Gar, baby."

I believe that I did see love behind his crinkled brown eyes. Crinkled into a gentle smile. "I just came from the war," I spouted all of a sudden.

Now Dean looked concerned. "I'm so sorry. Are you okay, baby? Tell me you're okay."

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"If there's anything you need, you got it, baby."

"There is one thing."

He looked at me so intently. I reached into my pocket and grabbed a small diamond ring I've had since I was a child. His eyes seemed to grow wide in shock.

"I still have this."

"I gave you that...didn't I?" He meant that to be a rhetoric question, but it turned into a genuine question because he had no idea what I was going to do with the ring.

"You can have it back."

"No, Gar..."

"You know I was never meant to have it."

"Gar..."

"I've always looked up to you, Dino."

I placed the ring in his hand, almost reluctantly. I loved that ring. It just had horrible memories attached to it. Dean looked down at the ring and never looked back up at me as I left the set.

I left, and I never looked back at him. 

All those years of pain and suffering quietly were finally over. Because my abuser finally knew what I was going through. He finally was able to sympathize with his victim.

He finally felt remorse.

This diamond ring doesn't shine for me anymore
And this diamond ring doesn't mean what it did before